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Saturday, July 30, 2005

 

A Little Humor to Lighten Things Up

Some song parodies here, for your reading enjoyment. Hopefully you'll get a laugh or two out of them:

To an old Barry Manilow standard, the tune for which can be found here

Condi

I remember all her lies
Coming from her heart of ice
Shadows of the truth
Hidden from her eyes
Lyin' through her teeth
She lies like a rug

Lyin's just her only way
Happy Murkans don't care why
Speakin' for the Chimp
She is Bush's bitch
I never realized
How dumb she really is, oh Condi

Well you came and you took without askin'
And we'll put you away, oh Condi
Well, you sold yourself out and told all those lies
And someday you'll face the music, oh Condi

Hopin' for the day to come
When you'll be doing the Perp Walk
Caught up in your web of lying and deceit
The vision is in my mind
Of you in handcuffs, oh Condi

Lyin's just her only way
Happy Murkans don't care why
Speakin' for the Chimp
She is Bush's bitch
I never realized
How dumb she really is, oh Condi

Well you came and you took without askin'
And we'll put you away, oh Condi
Well, you sold yourself out and told all those lies
And someday you'll face the music, oh Condi

Yesterday you lied
You'll face the truth one day
Cryin' for your Chimpy
They're coming for you, oh Condi

Well you came and you took without askin'
And we'll put you away, oh Condi
Well, you sold yourself out and told all those lies
And someday you'll face the music, oh Condi

Well you came and you took without askin'
And we'll put you away, oh Condi
Well, you sold yourself out and told all those lies
And someday you'll face the music, oh Condi

Oh Condi

etc.

To an old Frankie Avalon standard

Rummy

Hey, Rummy! Oh, Rummy!
Hey, Rummy! Oh, Rummy!

You had better watch your back
The truth is catching up with you at last
A war based on lies, it's all your fault
A war you wanted for your neocon buds

Rummy, get ready to walk
You're going down with the Chimp over this
And no amount of dissembling will save you
From doing the Perp Walk in chains

Rummy, architect of the neocon plans
Even you must realize
This can't go on forever

Rummy, you'd better 'fess up
Or you'll go down with the Chimp over this
You started an illegal war and we can't forgive you
As long as we have something to say about it

Hey Rummy!, Oh Rummy!
Take a hike, straight to Gitmo!

Rummy, architect of the neocon plans
Even you must realize
This can't go on forever

Hey Rummy! Oh, Rummy!
Hey Rummy! Oh, Rummy!
Hey Rummy! Oh, Rummy!

and finally,

Here's one to the theme song of a Seventies cinematic experience I'm sure more than a few people recall, perhaps fondly, perhaps not:

Scott

Who's the dumb patsy
That's a mouthpiece for the Bush machine?
SCOTT!
Ya damn right!

Who is the fool that will risk his neck
For his Chimpster man?
SCOTT!
Can you dig it?

He's the deer-in-the-headlights dude
Caught lying through his teeth
SCOTT!
Right on!

They say this dude Scott is a bad liar
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Scott
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

He's an implicated man
And no one cares about him except the Chimp
DUMB SCOTT!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

 

The Wreck of the S.S. Turdblossom

In honor of Uncle Karl's ongoing legal "issues", I present this reworking of a well-known Gordon Lightfoot song, the tune for which can be found here.

The Wreck of the S.S. Turdblossom

The legend lives on in the West Wing on down
Of the big cheese they called Bush's Brain
The man, it was said, never gave up an inch
Even when the ship of state was heading for the drain

He was evil and cunning, a thousand times over
Then did the S. S. Turdblossom set sail
Karl kept a tight ship, yes this is true, to the end
When the ship of state sank like a stone

Karl Rove was the genius behind the White House
Coming down from a stolen election in November
As the architect of their evil plan, he was on top
With a West Wing and a press corpse to his liking

Then came Valerie and hubby Joe, speaking the truth
Karl could not abide by this, no he could not
And later that day, he spoke her name out of turn
Could this be the beginning of the end for them?

The whispers online made a tattletale sound
And the wave soon broke over his ship
As everyone knew, as Karl surely did too
T'was the ghost of Bad Karma come knockin'

The day would soon come when the truth would come out
As the lies kept on piling and piling up
When the truth finally came, it rode right on in
In their faces, did it come a-crashin' down

When the press corpse finally noticed what Karl did say
It was too late for him, yes it was
At high noon did the house of cards finally collapse
He said, "Guys, that's it, I'm outta here"

Karl Rove then tried to go to the ground
But the West Wing would not let him go
And later that day, when the lights came on up
Came the wreck of the S. S. Turdblossom

Does anyone know where old Karl has gone
While the country awaits Mr. Fitzgerald
The pundits all say they'll get right to the root of this
If they could just understand it at all

He might have gone south or he might have changed names
He might have lost weight and gotten a new face
But all that remains is the truth of what he did
To tell her name to one who should not know it

George Bush stumbles, in a confused daze
In the ruins of his house of cards
And Condi still lies like a good little wench
She does what her Dear Leader commands her

And farther on down the political food chain
The press and the pundits still sit there
And they all say they would have done it right
With the "election" of November still fresh

In a small little courtroom Patrick still struggles on
In the search for the Truth will he prevail
The presstitutes still lie, 24 hours a day
For they still fear the S. S. Turdblossom

The legend lives on in the West Wing on down
Of the big cheese they called Bush's Brain
The man, it was said, never gave up an inch
Even when the ship of state was heading for the drain

Sunday, July 10, 2005

 

Mariko (my dad's cat), 1989-2005: An Appreciation.

For the first time since 1970, my dad's house is now catless. With a heavy heart, I buried my dad's cat Mariko, a Japanese Bobtail, aged 16 years, two months, this afternoon. She died earlier this afternoon. Apparently, her liver failed her, the vet thought. My dad is out of town for a week, and I was watching the cat for him, and looking after his house. This meant going out there every day, dropping off the paper and/or mail, and feeding Mariko.

I came by late Friday afternoon and noticed that she seemed listless and lethargic and wasn't eating the food my dad had put out for her on Friday. I tried to feed her, without success. It was the same thing yesterday, except she seemed slightly more active yesterday. Today, when I went out there, she still hadn't eaten. It was time to take her to the vet, which I did. An hour after I dropped her off, they called and left a message that she had died. So, being very sad, I went back there to collect her and take her home to bury her.

This is my letter to Mariko, her eulogy, if you will.

Well, Mariko-san. You've done and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. You're in a better place now, and your 16-year journey on Earth has come to an end. I put you in the ground today, just downhill from the Usual Food Guy's house, the only home you ever knew.

My dad got you in October, 1989. You were a little five- or six-month kitten at the time, and the other cat, Buttons, didn't like you. You and she fought and eventually worked things out. You explored every nook and cranny in that house and in 1990, you had one litter. My dad got you fixed a couple years later. You were a good hunter, you caught quite a few birds, squirrels, mice, voles, and even a rabbit or two.

You and Buttons got along, and when she died in 1995, you were sad. When my dad got Madori in the latter part of 1995, you were initially hostile, but you took her under your wing. You were a good cat, friend, and foster mother to Madori.

I got to be your occasional food guy from time to time, when my dad was out of town. I think you could always tell when I was on the way to the house. I would come in, and there you would be, clamoring for the Food Guy to do his Food Guy thing (and Kitty-Litter Changer thing, and Scratcher-Behind-the-Ears-Guy thing too), impatiently demanding your food, and making sure that Madori got fed too.

I was there for you, and when Madori died in 2003, you were alone again. My sister's cat, Hanna came to stay with my dad for a while, and you didn't like her much, so she spent most of the time downstairs.

You were getting old by then, and you couldn't get around much at all. I would still come out and feed you from time to time, but you were starting to get a bit more demanding about your food. You would meow a lot, and that got on my dad's nerves at times. He loved you dearly, but sometimes you drove him up the wall.

And then finally, came the last few days of your life. You got out of the house on Wednesday and apparently returned before my dad left on Friday morning. I came out there and there you were, hiding in the corner. I held you and petted you, but you were listless and lethargic and didn't want to eat anything. You were getting thin and emaciated. I had to leave because I had a meeting to go to that evening. I was worried about you.

You were still the same on Saturday, and I should have taken you to the vet then, but I thought you might just simply have been exhausted for some reason. And then today, when I went out there, you were still hiding in the corner. You wanted to die. So, it was time to get the cat carrier out and take you to the vet. I was scared for you , and I cried when I went out to the shed to get the cat carrier.

You were trying to meow on the way down there, but your meows sounded more like chirps, you were that dehydrated and emaciated. The vet took your temperature, blood, and your weight and did a few tests. She told me you were probably infected with something and/or had a liver problem and that she wanted to keep you for a few hours for observation.

And then I got the phone message from her. It came an hour after I dropped you off, and I got it a couple hours later. You were gone.

I was sad for you, but I knew you were now in a better place. I went down and got you, and talked to the vet about what did you in. Your liver apparently failed you, and you hid it from my dad and me for a long time. You lost the will to live, and that was that.

You were a good cat, and I was a good (Sometimes) Food Guy for you.

Goodbye, Mariko, and I'll see you on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. I'll have your favorite toy with me and we'll play some more then.

The (Sometimes) Food Guy.

Rest in peace, and I'll see you later, my friend.

Monday, July 04, 2005

 

Adding Insult to Injury: Yet Another Reason Why We Will Not 'Win' The Hearts and Minds of Iraqis

Read this article and answer me this: how can Bush and company even suggest that we're "winning hearts and minds" of ordinary Iraqis and that the Iraqi Resistance is "in its death throes" and we've almost won the war?

The answer is "Because the Bushies and their ilk are not part of the reality-based community."

We lost this war a long, long time ago. The only question now is, when do the people "in charge" finally figure that out.

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